BIG Emotions and Little People
As we turn the page on another month, another school term, and the first quarter of the year, I’ve been reflecting on all the little endings happening around me. With every ending comes a wave—or maybe a storm—of emotions. And this week, that wave felt very real. It just so happened to coincide with a workshop I was running on BIG Emotions and Little People.
I also said a final goodbye to Freckle.
Now, before you imagine a person—I should clarify: Freckle was my favourite chicken. A beautiful Australorp with patches of brown that reminded me of my own freckles (thanks, Mum). She quickly became the leader of the flock, and while I won’t draw too many parallels there, let’s just say… I related.
On her last day, Freckle was struggling. I gave her a warm bath and tried to comfort her the best I could. My husband—ever the practical engineer—watched and said, “That’s not going to fix her.”
I snapped, “I know!”
Big Emotions, Big Opportunity
As parents, we often feel that familiar tug when our kids are “emotional”—especially with preschoolers and teens. And we’re often motivated by good intentions, like:
· Wanting them to just be happy.
· Trying to stop the emotional display—so we can feel better (especially in public or at a family gathering).
· Feeling uncomfortable when they’re struggling.
And let’s be honest, many of us weren’t exactly coached through emotions when we were kids ourselves. Depending on your family culture, upbringing, or faith background, you may have heard responses like:
· “You’ll get over it.”
· “Stop crying.”
· “Don’t be so sensitive.”
· “Emotions are unreliable.”
These responses usually fall into three categories, which one did you experience growing up?
· Dismissive – Emotions are brushed aside.
· Disapproving – Emotions are labelled bad or wrong.
· Ignoring – Emotions are completely overlooked.
But here’s the thing: emotions aren’t the problem—how we respond to them is.
It's tempting to give them anything to "shut them up" or for "peace and quiet". But that's not going really help them. Or try reasoning or bribing them?
What Our Kids Actually Need: Emotional Coaching
Emotional coaching helps kids build a bridge between the reactive part of the brain (impulses, big feelings) and the responsive part (self-awareness, empathy, and self-control).
And the best news? You don’t need a psychology degree to do this. You just need to be present and willing to learn alongside your child.
5 Steps to Emotionally Coach Your Child
1. Notice the Signs
Watch for the subtle cues—crossed arms, a quiet tone, bouncing energy, or withdrawal. Emotions often show up in small, physical ways before they explode.
2. Connect First
Instead of rushing to fix the emotion or turning away, stay with them, be present.
Back to Freckle for a moment—
The next day, my husband gently asked, “How are you feeling about losing Freckle?”
That simple question helped. I cried and said, “I’m sad.”
I didn’t need a fix. I needed space to feel. I didn’t want to be told I was silly or dramatic.
Our kids need the same thing: a safe space to feel what they feel.
3. Name It to Tame It
Helping children label their feelings gives them a sense of control and starts the calming process. Try using simple words or visuals like emoji charts:
- “I feel mad.”
- “I’m scared.”
- “I’m excited!”
4. Listen + Set Boundaries
Let your child tell their story before jumping in. Try to understand what happenedthat led to the big emotions—without judgment (hard for some of us, I know 🙋♀️).
You might say:
- “You were worried because you couldn’t find me.”
- “You didn’t like what happened at school.”
- “That made you feel left out.”
If something went wrong, help them take responsibility:
- “You threw your toy, and it broke. What should we do now?”
- “You hit your brother. That’s not okay. How can we make it right?”
(Just like I had to do the hard thing and care for Freckle, even though I didn’t want to.)
5. Teach ONLY When Calm
When they are calm, that’s when you help your child learn and grow:
- “What could you do next time you feel this way?”
- “How can you tell someone what you need?”
Emotions Are Part of Life
We can’t protect them from every sadness, frustration, or fear. But we can walk with them. Hold space. Teach them how to get calm, help them build the bridge between the two parts of the brain so they become less reactive and able to powerfully take steps to get understanding.
What to deep dive into applying this to your family situation? Let's chat if you want to calm down things and get that bridge built quickly.
Photo of the brain is by Samantha Green and based on a book called the The Whole Brain Child - Dr Daniel Siegel
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