Power of Choice and YOUR Child

Kids who never have the freedom to make poor choices
never develop the skills to make good ones.

Imagine this, you wake up each morning at a time chosen by someone else! You get up and get dressed in clothes that someone else has picked out for you. Next, it’s breakfast and someone’s served you cornflakes, whether you like it or not. You are half-finished then someone whisks you off to make you clean your teeth and told to get into the car for your day’s adventures which you didn’t get to choose.

How does this make you feel?

Children have SO many choices made for them daily. As a child grows up, they crave and need more chances to share their opinion and shape their world to reflect their own choices. After all, we are designed to be powerful people with free will and the ability to make decisions.

Why Bother?

When we have no choices, we don’t have ‘buy-in’. We’re not engaged in the activities that we have to do.

It might feel hard to give your child choices when you’re in the middle of a whirlwind of trying to get out of the house in the morning, but adding a few moments of choice can make things easier, calmer, and smoother for the whole family! A simple change, you can make in your daily routines with your children that has SO many benefits. Adding opportunities for your child to make choices can:

Reduce the number of decisions you need to make (phew!)

Increase your child’s ‘buy-in’ to your daily routines. They’re more willing to join in and go along with the things you have to do because they’ve had some say.

Help your child feel their power, their opinion, and choices matter.

When we give a child an opportunity to make a choice, they have to do more thinking, and reasoning and also have the chance to communicate their preferences with you.

Children can learn invaluable life lessons when they make a “poor” decision.

It increases children's confidence and sense of control and using their free will.

If you dont's share control with your child, they will wrestle to get it!

If you don't share control with your child, they will wrestle to get it!

Tips for Offering Choices

Make sure the choices you offer, fit your value system.

Offer choices before your child becomes resistant and has their “heels dug in”. - You know the signs!

For each choice, give two options, both of which you like and approve of - don't be tempted to overdo it with options!

Do not disguise threats as a choice.

If your child doesn’t choose very quickly, choose for them and say “You will give them another time to make a choice, that’s okay.”

Here are Some Examples:

Even in your mundane routine, you can easily introduce small choices that will help and make it more fun for everyone!

Your child can choose which chair to sit in at dinner.

Carry their coat or wear their coat?

Mummy or Daddy, who will brush teeth next to them.

Choose the left leg or right leg first when putting on pants (you can just say “This leg or that leg?” while pointing to each leg)

Chores before dinner or after dinner?

Bath or shower tonight?

Are you going to walk to the car on your own, or do you want to hold my hand?

Do you want to set the table, or clear the table?

Peas or beans with your dinner tonight?

Will you be home by 10:00 or 10:30 pm?

Will you practice piano for 20 minutes or 30 minutes tonight?

What is ONE Extra Choice you can Give your Child?

How do you think it might change your child’s participation if you give them a choice?

Now, I know that making changes to our parenting habits is hard. You’ll need to REMIND YOURSELF to make the small but important change.

How will you do that? Make a note on your screen saver, and put a post-it on on the bathroom mirror.

If you want some extra support embedding some parenting skills, let me know and reach out.